holding it together

Yesterday our four horses had dental exams and flotations, which involves anesthesia and a lot of noise/smell. Think of the dentist drilling away on one small human tooth and then think of a horse's head cranked up on a pulley with a long loud instrument disappearing into his long jaw.

I was absolutely drained by the end of it.

On top of that, Keil Bay had a twig jammed into his neck so deep we couldn't even see where it went in anymore, and this had to be lidocained, incised, and then stapled back together.

There's something about the metal staples in his neck - I feel like I am using my psychic energy to keep them in place, as though any lapse on my part and they will pop out, split open, rip apart.

There are a number of other things, albeit minor, adding to this stress. I realized this morning there are a lot of days between now and May 1st, when his staples come out.

As I often do, I went looking for a quote or passage to bolster my spirit.


Chinese inscription cited by Thoreau in Walden:

Renew thyself completely each day; do it again, and again, and forever again.


This is so simple, but soothing to read. It made me think of a container that constantly releases energy, in a wonderful, present, dynamic way. The key is not to hoard the energy, or stop it up, but to replenish it regularly.

I don't know why this simple concept is so easily forgotten or set aside.

The first thing I'm going to do, right now, is find a new image for those metal staples.

(I was going to post a photo of them, but when it came down to it, I couldn't bring myself to even center them in the viewfinder, much less click the shutter!)

enlightenment

I completed the revision pass through my work-in-progress this morning and am setting it aside until I can do the research needed to write two additional scenes.

So... I'm officially back to novel number two, for what I hope is the final revision.

I opened the word doc just now and surprised myself with the quote that opens the novel. Funny how your own book can take you by surprise if you leave it alone for awhile. :)

I love these words from Jung.


One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

-Carl Gustav Jung, Alchemical Studies, Vol. 15, p. 470

the very best way to start a day

In the arena with Keil Bay, who teaches me all I need to know about letting go, forward motion, breathing, and balance.



I am grateful indeed.

A Ritual To Read To Each Other

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dike.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider-
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give - yes, no, or maybe -
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.

William Stafford

growing up

Each morning when I go into my daughter's room to wake her, I find the book(s) she's reading very neatly placed on the floor beside her bed. Like me, she reads incessantly, and often ends her days with a book.

This morning the juxtaposition of two titles was startling. It seems the little girl is growing up.