Sunday, November 12, 2023

The Old Saint-King, Keil Bay

 I saw this someplace this past week online and saved it as it made me think both of Keil Bay and an idea to note how much he remains with us. A wood-cut plaque of his profile on the tack room door where he will continue his reign as herd and human guardian, which he very much already is in spirit. 

My week has been very busy but today, the day I marked as the beginning of a slow slide into winter, I find myself thinking of him and shedding more tears. The quiet times are when I feel him most, and he is leading me to that calm place he always offered in his presence. 

Yesterday in the final day of my EMDR training and in the final processing I did as a client, I was working on a very early memory in which I was 3-4 years old and in the hospital for a procedure. My mom was handing me over to a nurse and I was terrified at being left there. As that single image from memory that carried the most fear was in my mind and I was doing the eye-movement desensitization protocol with my group partner as therapist - note that this was virtual training online - a rainbow of virtual balloons began to flow upward on the big screen of my desktop computer. In that moment I felt the joy of synchronicity and then the very potent pain and fear of the memory. I completed the eye movement set and in the check in with the therapist, noted the joy and the pain, and there were very powerful tears related to the memory, then more eye movements. As I came back to the check in moments, and reported that the pain had lifted, the balloons sprang up again and floated up on my screen. No one involved could figure out how this happened, as neither of us were touching our computers and we were in a secure break-out room on the platform. 

I say all this because in that moment I had the thought that it was Keil Bay who had done it, and I share that because it illustrates just how much I love him and how much he gave over the many years he has been with us. He was a powerful and giving soul and it’s easy to attribute amazing synchronicities to him now. 

I’m happy to say that I completed the 50-hour EMDR basic training last night and we had a wonderful graduation ceremony. It completely makes sense to me that Keil Bay has woven himself into this new journey with a new to me and powerful way of treating trauma. I will think of him every time I do this work with clients, and as I move forward with a year of work toward certification. 


Grey Horse Matters said...

Congratulations on completing your course. The balloons on the computer seem like something very strange to have happened when nobody was touching anything. I've never heard of this particular kind of therapy but I'm sure it will help those who need it. And I also feel that even though we can't see the spirits of those we lost they are always with us and watching over us.

billie said...

A, EMDR has been around for awhile and was originally used mostly for severe trauma. Over time and more application and research, it’s being used now for many things. I was fortunate in earlier years to have trusted colleagues locally who were certified to do the work and referred clients who needed it. Now that the therapy is in many cases, at least for me, virtual, it’s going to be very nice to have the training and skills to offer. I have known it was effective but can now say that from my own experience.

I so agree with you that those who have passed are with us. May we all find some peace and comfort in that knowing in our lives!

Hugs to you!

Kathleen said...

Congratulations! I think Keil Bay was leading you to this training all along, knowing it would help you through this sad time. What a wonder he is.
Keeping you in my heart and thoughts. I know how much your heart still hurts, but happy that you have him still bringing you peace.

billie said...

Thanks so much, Kathleen! Big hugs to you.