I woke up two days ago with fairly extreme muscle soreness in my right thigh and left calf/ankle. By the afternoon, my shoulders were sore as well. At some point in the day it occurred to me as I watched Salina moving with her lame left front leg and swollen knee, that the way she was having to move must surely be stressing her upper right leg, lower left, and both her shoulders, as she tried to keep weight and pressure of that knee.
I've experienced mirrored pain before with Keil Bay, and I've been familiar for years with the symptoms of trauma my clients bring to my office and "share" with me - sometimes quite literally. I'm good at using the drive from office to home to clear my mind and body of the residual effects of this shared trauma. Sharing it helps me be a better therapist, but holding on to it would burn me out.
So I noted the soreness and moved on with the day.
Yesterday morning it was less but still there. I was sitting in my garret, window open, writing, when I heard Salina whinny. Then Rafer Johnson brayed. A few minutes later she whinnied again. I wondered if she were in pain, or if the geldings were doing something they shouldn't. But mostly I fretted about Salina and her lameness this week. I decided to cut my writing time short so I could check on her. When I stood up, both my knees were severely stiff and sore. I have never felt anything like it. I hobbled to the door, realizing I had to get down the stairs, and made my way down, one step at a time.
It was as if my knees had suddenly aged 30 years. I realized when I began to move them about that the range of motion of my RIGHT knee was exactly the same as Salina's is with her LEFT knee right now. And my LEFT mirrored her RIGHT. I walked around the living room, testing various strides and ways of turning, and then simply stood still, to see what it felt like to not move the joints at all. I could feel a mild ache when standing still, but it was the movement of the joints themselves that really hurt.
I wondered about tick-borne disease, briefly. And called my husband to consult. Within about 10 minutes the pain completely disappeared. No stiffness, no ache. It was simply gone.
I've been reading since this episode about mirrored pain, synesthesia, sympathy pain, and shared pain. Thus far I'm not finding much online. Mostly I'm fascinated with what happened yesterday morning. It came and it went in a very short span of time, and wasn't precipitated by anything I had done physically. I am so keenly aware of Salina every moment this week - I've had the windows open so I can hear clearly if she needs us.
I made sure she had a quiet day yesterday. I kept Rafer Johnson close and didn't let them have access to any bigger spaces. So far as I know, she didn't get excited and she didn't do more than a slow walk. Hopefully the gelding for Rafer will not be too hard on him or Salina. My thought is that she will be in the barn aisle where she can watch and supervise things or walk out into the small barnyard if she prefers some distance. I will use Rescue Remedy for both of them before the vet arrives, and she'll have a vet check herself and a hot stone massage after all that is over. By the time we get through the afternoon, we should know more and have an updated plan for treatment.
For now, I'm imagining circles of pure white light surrounding her knees, warming the joints, cooling them, lubricating them, healing them.
Update:
It has been quite a morning here. The baby barn swallows had left the nest yesterday but this morning one had returned.
Two Canadian geese landed in the front field and Salina, Rafer Johnson, my daughter, and I all watched with a front-row seat while the pony, Cody, and Keil Bay followed them around and then down the hill.
Salina seemed not to want to move much this morning and when I went down the hill to dump the wheelbarrow, I got tearful thinking that she might be in decline. At the bottom of the hill when I started to dump, I noticed a large feather. I think it's from a redtail hawk but will need to check with my bird experts later in the day to be sure. I brought it back up and stuck it on the outside of Salina's stall. In a few minutes she perked up and went out to the barnyard to graze. It was so good to see her moving and grazing.
When I came inside to fix lunch and take a quick break before the big event at one, I glanced out the front window. As big as the sky there was a gigantic V.
All these little things are helping the day move more easily and keeping our spirits up. And interestingly enough, I woke up this morning with my body completely clear of tension, aches, etc. I hope Salina can soon have some of that.
billie hinton’s camera-obscura:
life and lessons on November Hill Farm
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
all hail the king!
Keil Bay, aka The King, turns 19 years old today. He is a true joy, a benevolent leader, and the best horse a 44-year old "woman returning to riding after 20+ years" could hope to find.
The story of how I found Keil Bay is its own little fairy tale. Tired of shopping for ponies, weary of failed pony pre-purchase vet exams, completely freaked at the cost of finished 12-handers, I sat up late one night and typed in the criteria for my dream horse into DreamHorse: Hanoverian, bay, gelding, dressage training, age between 10 and 18, within 100 miles.
I clicked "submit," knowing that nothing within my price range would appear.
Oddly, that late night in December, ONE horse popped up. It was Keil Bay and he met every criteria. Except that we weren't shopping for MY horse. We were seeking a pony.
Still, I called the number the next day, thinking I would leave a message. The young woman who was handling his sale answered and we ended up talking for nearly an hour. I confessed that I had been shopping as a lark, and that I was nowhere near ready for a horse like Keil Bay.
She suggested I come meet him and take a ride, "just for fun." She commiserated with the difficult pony search. We knew a few horse people mutually. He happened to be stabled on a horse farm that adjoined the private school my husband had attended growing up. I decided it wouldn't hurt anything to go try him out.
My husband dropped me off at the barn where Keil Bay was living. The young woman was handling both his riding and his sale, as his owner was older and having back issues. She didn't want to sell him, but her back couldn't handle his size and width. We went out to the field to get him, and he walked right up and stuck his nose in the halter.
He didn't seem so big walking up the hill, but in the barn, down the long barn aisle, he seemed HUGE. I groomed him and helped tack him up. I watched him go through his motions. He was gorgeous. He did everything through second level perfectly and a few third level movements. His one fault was that in some of the third level movements, he ground his teeth.
When she finished showing him off, I said I didn't think I could ride such a grand horse. She said to get on and just have fun. I got on. We walked. It was amazing. We trotted. That was amazing. We cantered. I had the best ride and looked the best I'd looked in the saddle since I'd returned to riding. I realized as we passed by the long mirrors - not only was Keil Bay gorgeous but he pulled the best ride out of me I'd had since I was a girl.
I was grinning from ear to ear when I finally got off. His trainer agreed that it had been a fabulous ride, and noted that he'd enjoyed it too. And the moment I stepped up to give him a rub, he rested his head on my shoulder. That was it. I knew that moment I had found my horse.
When my husband drove up, he saw the expression on my face and his changed to alarm. "I'm getting this horse." To his credit, he didn't try to talk me out of it. He did mention "but we're supposed to be buying a pony." I knew we were doing things out of order and I was changing everything mid-stride with our equine plans. But I also knew I would regret it forever if I didn't do what it took to bring Keil Bay into our lives.
He had his pre-purchase vet check, and I was very nervous. All those ponies had looked so good and yet had so many problems. The vet went through his list, item by item. Everything went well. He had spotted something subtle though and wanted to do x-rays of the knees. We did the films and he left, promising to call the next morning. When the trainer and I took Keil Bay back to the gelding field, I took his halter off. He turned and waited for his pat, and then galloped madly down the hill to his pals. I looked at the trainer and said "his knees seem fine to me!"
Sometime that night I decided that I didn't care what the films looked like. None of us is perfect. What if Keil Bay and his owner ordered films of MY knees? What might they find? I slept better after making my own quiet decision. The vet called the next afternoon. The films had been so clean for a horse Keil's age, he had taken them to the vet school to have someone else take a look. So Keil Bay passed with flying colors, and the decision was sealed.
I wrote the check for Keil Bay, his custom-fitted dressage saddle, and his bridle, on a cold, icy Sunday morning in December. It was too cold to ride, and we weren't moving him until January 1st. So I went and stood in his stall while he ate hay, and marveled at how amazing it felt to have come all the way around the circle back to that summer day when I was a girl and handed over the money I'd earned to buy my Quarter Horse gelding, BoJinx.
Keil Bay has taught me how to ride big gaits. He helped me overcome my "older rider" fear of flying off his back. He rests his head in my arms and sometimes he bosses me around. He loves his clean stall and his bodywork. He adores his breakfast and good hay. He loves being hosed when it's hot, and he wears his fly mask and his blanket with pride. He's been treated like a king his entire life and in exchange for that care and love, he gives back personality plus. He is without doubt the most communicative horse I have ever known. He tells me when his pelvis is rotated, he tells the chiropractor what needs adjusting. He likes having his breakfast song sung to him in the mornings and has tossed his halter across the barn aisle at me when I've forgotten to sing it.
He has a trot that hangs in the air like an unspoken poem, a snore during hot summer days that rivals any husband's, and a soft eye that melts away all tension and begs for a kiss.
He has only ground his teeth a handful of times since I've owned him, and those were in lessons where he was being pushed hard and perhaps unreasonably. We know better now.
Happy Birthday, Keil Bay. You're my partner in zen.
The story of how I found Keil Bay is its own little fairy tale. Tired of shopping for ponies, weary of failed pony pre-purchase vet exams, completely freaked at the cost of finished 12-handers, I sat up late one night and typed in the criteria for my dream horse into DreamHorse: Hanoverian, bay, gelding, dressage training, age between 10 and 18, within 100 miles.
I clicked "submit," knowing that nothing within my price range would appear.
Oddly, that late night in December, ONE horse popped up. It was Keil Bay and he met every criteria. Except that we weren't shopping for MY horse. We were seeking a pony.
Still, I called the number the next day, thinking I would leave a message. The young woman who was handling his sale answered and we ended up talking for nearly an hour. I confessed that I had been shopping as a lark, and that I was nowhere near ready for a horse like Keil Bay.
She suggested I come meet him and take a ride, "just for fun." She commiserated with the difficult pony search. We knew a few horse people mutually. He happened to be stabled on a horse farm that adjoined the private school my husband had attended growing up. I decided it wouldn't hurt anything to go try him out.
My husband dropped me off at the barn where Keil Bay was living. The young woman was handling both his riding and his sale, as his owner was older and having back issues. She didn't want to sell him, but her back couldn't handle his size and width. We went out to the field to get him, and he walked right up and stuck his nose in the halter.
He didn't seem so big walking up the hill, but in the barn, down the long barn aisle, he seemed HUGE. I groomed him and helped tack him up. I watched him go through his motions. He was gorgeous. He did everything through second level perfectly and a few third level movements. His one fault was that in some of the third level movements, he ground his teeth.
When she finished showing him off, I said I didn't think I could ride such a grand horse. She said to get on and just have fun. I got on. We walked. It was amazing. We trotted. That was amazing. We cantered. I had the best ride and looked the best I'd looked in the saddle since I'd returned to riding. I realized as we passed by the long mirrors - not only was Keil Bay gorgeous but he pulled the best ride out of me I'd had since I was a girl.
I was grinning from ear to ear when I finally got off. His trainer agreed that it had been a fabulous ride, and noted that he'd enjoyed it too. And the moment I stepped up to give him a rub, he rested his head on my shoulder. That was it. I knew that moment I had found my horse.
When my husband drove up, he saw the expression on my face and his changed to alarm. "I'm getting this horse." To his credit, he didn't try to talk me out of it. He did mention "but we're supposed to be buying a pony." I knew we were doing things out of order and I was changing everything mid-stride with our equine plans. But I also knew I would regret it forever if I didn't do what it took to bring Keil Bay into our lives.
He had his pre-purchase vet check, and I was very nervous. All those ponies had looked so good and yet had so many problems. The vet went through his list, item by item. Everything went well. He had spotted something subtle though and wanted to do x-rays of the knees. We did the films and he left, promising to call the next morning. When the trainer and I took Keil Bay back to the gelding field, I took his halter off. He turned and waited for his pat, and then galloped madly down the hill to his pals. I looked at the trainer and said "his knees seem fine to me!"
Sometime that night I decided that I didn't care what the films looked like. None of us is perfect. What if Keil Bay and his owner ordered films of MY knees? What might they find? I slept better after making my own quiet decision. The vet called the next afternoon. The films had been so clean for a horse Keil's age, he had taken them to the vet school to have someone else take a look. So Keil Bay passed with flying colors, and the decision was sealed.
I wrote the check for Keil Bay, his custom-fitted dressage saddle, and his bridle, on a cold, icy Sunday morning in December. It was too cold to ride, and we weren't moving him until January 1st. So I went and stood in his stall while he ate hay, and marveled at how amazing it felt to have come all the way around the circle back to that summer day when I was a girl and handed over the money I'd earned to buy my Quarter Horse gelding, BoJinx.
Keil Bay has taught me how to ride big gaits. He helped me overcome my "older rider" fear of flying off his back. He rests his head in my arms and sometimes he bosses me around. He loves his clean stall and his bodywork. He adores his breakfast and good hay. He loves being hosed when it's hot, and he wears his fly mask and his blanket with pride. He's been treated like a king his entire life and in exchange for that care and love, he gives back personality plus. He is without doubt the most communicative horse I have ever known. He tells me when his pelvis is rotated, he tells the chiropractor what needs adjusting. He likes having his breakfast song sung to him in the mornings and has tossed his halter across the barn aisle at me when I've forgotten to sing it.
He has a trot that hangs in the air like an unspoken poem, a snore during hot summer days that rivals any husband's, and a soft eye that melts away all tension and begs for a kiss.
He has only ground his teeth a handful of times since I've owned him, and those were in lessons where he was being pushed hard and perhaps unreasonably. We know better now.
Happy Birthday, Keil Bay. You're my partner in zen.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
salina's update
Thanks for the good thoughts! Salina is not worse today, but is not improving either.
We think she most likely overdid it in the field Saturday or Sunday, and that her left knee was the focal point. She continues to eat and drink normally, and is not testing positive for hoof pain right now, so abscess and founder have been ruled out.
The vet has recommended that we add Bute to her daily maintenance, and Surpass cream for her knees as well. He also thinks it's probably time to curtail her turn-out to smaller areas of the farm so she's less likely to do the mad dash gallop up the front hill that they all sometimes do.
Rafer Johnson will be gelded Friday, so Salina will get a follow-up check at that point to make sure we're on the right track.
I have known there would be a point she would need some restrictions - it's tough to hear that it's time, but I definitely don't want her to injure herself trying to keep up with the "geldings gone wild."
It makes me appreciate Rafer Johnson all the more - we'll tailor a turn-out plan so he gets some time to run with the boys and also gets to be with Salina. Fortunately the way our property is set up, she can have the barnyards and paddocks without being too far removed from the rest of the herd.
Just fyi, Rafer Johnson supervised the entire exam, with his head right over the vet's shoulder as he did the hoof testing! He also gave the vet some donkey hugs and made one very sneaky attempt to steal his cell phone. Salina was a queen, as usual.
We think she most likely overdid it in the field Saturday or Sunday, and that her left knee was the focal point. She continues to eat and drink normally, and is not testing positive for hoof pain right now, so abscess and founder have been ruled out.
The vet has recommended that we add Bute to her daily maintenance, and Surpass cream for her knees as well. He also thinks it's probably time to curtail her turn-out to smaller areas of the farm so she's less likely to do the mad dash gallop up the front hill that they all sometimes do.
Rafer Johnson will be gelded Friday, so Salina will get a follow-up check at that point to make sure we're on the right track.
I have known there would be a point she would need some restrictions - it's tough to hear that it's time, but I definitely don't want her to injure herself trying to keep up with the "geldings gone wild."
It makes me appreciate Rafer Johnson all the more - we'll tailor a turn-out plan so he gets some time to run with the boys and also gets to be with Salina. Fortunately the way our property is set up, she can have the barnyards and paddocks without being too far removed from the rest of the herd.
Just fyi, Rafer Johnson supervised the entire exam, with his head right over the vet's shoulder as he did the hoof testing! He also gave the vet some donkey hugs and made one very sneaky attempt to steal his cell phone. Salina was a queen, as usual.
Monday, April 28, 2008
and now, no longer coasting
I'm sitting here waiting for the vet to call because when I went out to feed, Salina was limping. Her left front knee is swollen and from the knee down is a little puffy as well. She doesn't want to put weight on that leg, so I'm now in rule out mode and have administered a gram of Bute, cold hosed the leg for 20 minutes, and was going to soak the hoof next but decided I want the vet's take before I move on to that.
She's willing to walk, especially on the grass, more carefully in the barn aisle, and ate breakfast just fine. I've got her stall open so she can walk in her paddock but also in the barn aisle and the barnyard. My experience with Salina is that if she keeps moving, everything is better. She's gone from the barnyard to barn aisle to stall to barnyard over the past hour, and is calm.
Sigh. I noticed yesterday she spent some time in the stall when she could have been out, and I wondered if she was off. I didn't notice lameness or swelling though, but it's possible she pulled something yesterday when out, came in, and because of last night's rain didn't move as much and is now stocking up some.
In any case, it will be a relief to get direction from the vet and probably a vet visit to sort this out.
I managed to get the yoga in, which is a good thing. Will likely not get any writing time, though.
She's willing to walk, especially on the grass, more carefully in the barn aisle, and ate breakfast just fine. I've got her stall open so she can walk in her paddock but also in the barn aisle and the barnyard. My experience with Salina is that if she keeps moving, everything is better. She's gone from the barnyard to barn aisle to stall to barnyard over the past hour, and is calm.
Sigh. I noticed yesterday she spent some time in the stall when she could have been out, and I wondered if she was off. I didn't notice lameness or swelling though, but it's possible she pulled something yesterday when out, came in, and because of last night's rain didn't move as much and is now stocking up some.
In any case, it will be a relief to get direction from the vet and probably a vet visit to sort this out.
I managed to get the yoga in, which is a good thing. Will likely not get any writing time, though.
coasting into the week
I'm not sure why, but that's what it feels like.
Saturday I took my daughter on a pre-birthday drive down to S. Pines where we ate lunch in a favorite restaurant, hit the tack store and the bookstore, tried to go to the Java Bean but they'd closed, and then headed home to prepare for her party which was yesterday.
We had fun looking at the new "bug-eye" fly masks, picking out purple grooming tools, and getting one of those Himalayan salt rocks to hang by the barn.
I also discovered a debut novel called The Outlander by Gil Adamson. With a black horse running on a snow-white cover, a Michael Ondaatje quote front and center, and copy flap comparing it to Charles Fraziers' Cold Mountain and early Cormac McCarthy, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I haven't started it yet, but I have high hopes for this book.
The party was nice and ended with a late-afternoon thunderstorm. It's still raining today, so unless they've forecast inaccurately and this clears out, we won't be riding.
My plan for the day is to do some yoga, feed and muck, finish the last 1/3 of the tack room spring cleaning, and then take a few hours for writing time.
I'm also going to breed my online Hanoverian stallion Griffon to my daughter's Hanoverian mare Cherry Baby, and watch some Battlestar Galactica with my son.
Meanwhile, the luscious rain is taking care of pasture management, arena maintenance, and pollen control.
Saturday I took my daughter on a pre-birthday drive down to S. Pines where we ate lunch in a favorite restaurant, hit the tack store and the bookstore, tried to go to the Java Bean but they'd closed, and then headed home to prepare for her party which was yesterday.
We had fun looking at the new "bug-eye" fly masks, picking out purple grooming tools, and getting one of those Himalayan salt rocks to hang by the barn.
I also discovered a debut novel called The Outlander by Gil Adamson. With a black horse running on a snow-white cover, a Michael Ondaatje quote front and center, and copy flap comparing it to Charles Fraziers' Cold Mountain and early Cormac McCarthy, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I haven't started it yet, but I have high hopes for this book.
The party was nice and ended with a late-afternoon thunderstorm. It's still raining today, so unless they've forecast inaccurately and this clears out, we won't be riding.
My plan for the day is to do some yoga, feed and muck, finish the last 1/3 of the tack room spring cleaning, and then take a few hours for writing time.
I'm also going to breed my online Hanoverian stallion Griffon to my daughter's Hanoverian mare Cherry Baby, and watch some Battlestar Galactica with my son.
Meanwhile, the luscious rain is taking care of pasture management, arena maintenance, and pollen control.
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